my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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