i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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