A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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