I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
