we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
jump out the window naked night went bad
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
