I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You smell like stripper and shame
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
