So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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