I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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