I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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