Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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