I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
