Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
