You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
