Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
