Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
