thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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