If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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