Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
