If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
