the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
