I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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