...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
