he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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