I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize