Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
