SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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