i don't plan on having that self control this summer
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize