There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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