he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
