that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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