my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
