i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
