The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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