im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
