Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
