If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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