i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
