Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
