Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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