You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
