The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
