I think I just saw someone hide a body.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
