i think i have herpe
just one?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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