FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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