so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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