if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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