Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
