Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
