pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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