Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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