Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
