i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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