so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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