I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
