O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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