I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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