Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
