So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I enjoy the company of your penis
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
