do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
farters have to be the big spoon...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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