Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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