life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
