Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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