You just made me feel so damn special
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
