She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
