tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
In America we eat man semen.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just forgot I was standing up.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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