so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?