I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
