i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
