'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
