Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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