I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
