Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
